Batman
Tory fuck-muncher Michael Portillo is to star
as the baddie in the new Batman film, according to our Hollyhead sources.
Portillo, a 24 year old illegal immigrant, got the job after studio bosses
were blown away by his acting ability during the election.
Paramount spokesman, Buck Hoff told reporters, “we could not believe
our eyes when we saw him on screen.
“There he was, acting the twat, which, incidentally, is the name of the
character he will be playing.
“When Jack Nicholson played the Joker, he had to sit in make-up for four
hours just to get the lips right, and we got this guy who already looking
fucking evil!”
“I tell ya, in years to come this guy is gonna be synonymous with the
name, ‘The Twat’!”
We at the ferret’s thought he already was.
Space
Meanwhile, the only empty piece of our solar
system is to be named after former Tory party leader William Hague.
PM Tony Blair said, “It’s only fair really as we all knew he was
a total waste of fucking space.”
Caravans
There has been a spate of serious accidents in England as dyslexic caravan owners have found out there is no such thing as a ‘hands free’ mobile home for driving.