2002 part 1
It’s never cold anymore, Christmas day
used to freeze the bollocks of you as a kid but every year it seems to be
sunny and quite pleasant.
Father Christmases are getting less jolly and more tipsy/angry/sweary these
days as well, remember the old fashioned jolly Santas?
Everyone has outlandishly bright trabs for about a week after Chrimbo, then
its back to playing footy in the mud and shite and snow and dead homeless
people.
Kids pissing themselves during nativity plays and crying for their mum.
Christmas music in the shops seems to irritate the fuck out of everyone.
Stop playing it. I would personally spend a lot more if the Prodigy or Lamb
were playing at top whack.
Non Jewish households have them weird Liberace candelabras in the window,
slightly offensive I would have thought.
Christmas tree lights never short circuit no matter how many times you piss
on them while drunk.
You always have at least one Christmas pudding left in October.
People who despise each other throughout the rest of the year are hanging
off each other singing songs on Chrimbo Eve.
TV tries to fit 26 stations worth of shit into 5 channels.
A die hard bitter drinker will suddenly start larruping double shorts down
his grid “coz it’s Chrimbo.”
Taxi drivers start charging the earth for a two minute journey.
The pub bike tries to stick her tongue down your throat.
You don’t mind.
Your mates take the piss.
Ten minutes later they’re doing exactly the same.
You always forget to take at least one pin out of your new shirt and it digs
into you at the most inopportune moment.
Selection boxes for 27 year olds????
Eating a full selection box and throwing up on the Christmas tree.
The fairy lights still refusing to short.
Some girl’s going to get the benefit of your new socks and bills, classy.
15 different deodorants and smelling like a tarts window box, classy x2.